0:00 (multiple voices talking over each other, in English and Swazi)
0:04 My name is (?), I live in the Mbabane community. I am a father of 6, 3 boys, 3 girls.
0:10 I discovered in 2005 that I was HIV positive I discovered I was positive in 2006 because
0:21 I was ill, bad stomach, injuries that wouldn’t heal. I decided I should go for the testing.
0:35 I had a boyfriend who would go and come back and when he would come back home he would
0:42 beat me. We ended up having a baby together. In 1999 I had another baby, my baby was not
0:49 well, getting well for two years and he died. And I suspected that I was positive, I have
0:54 to test myself. When I found out I was HIV positive, they
1:08 took our baby to live in Johannesburg. I prayed that I might as well die as early
1:23 as possible. I had already seen people die and I was afraid my kids also, I didn’t
1:31 know when did I acquire this I felt sick and I was hospitalized. When I
1:38 felt better, I went home. When I told my family that I had HIV, I was the laughing stock in
1:46 the community. And my sister actually beat me up. People in the community also made fun
1:53 of me. I was afraid of the victimization by the community
1:56 members and my friends. I was so stressed that I felt I was so lonely.
2:02 Life became unbearable. Even if I’m happy then it always comes back.
2:05 I am positive, I may die at any time. On my good days, it takes me away. I am living
2:15 in my brother’s house they told me that I am HIV positive. My husband just died because
2:24 of HIV, I must move away from his home, from his house. And he beat me up.
2:31 I was wrought with anger and wanted to make a successful revenge to the lady who did this
2:37 to me, only to find that I didn’t know her. So I had to revenge to anybody else.
2:47 I felt as if I wanted to die because there was something in my heart but I didn’t know
2:52 where I could get any help. I felt so weak and so sick and they tell me
2:57 the baby is having pneumonia and I have to go get tested.
3:04 Even though my boyfriend never told me, I found out my child was sick. So I went to
3:10 fetch the child and found my baby was skin and bones. I took her to the government hospital
3:19 where they tested her blood but no one ever said what was wrong with her. Thereafter,
3:25 my child died. Most of the time, I wouldn’t approach a
3:31 lady because I love her. It was because I wanted to use her sexually.
3:35 After the death of my child, there were more problems at home. Even my father tried to
3:40 protect me but my sister continued to hit and insult both of us.
3:46 Many many people were sexually victimized. It’s like I was revenging for myself. It’s
3:55 like it was them that did this to me. I suspected that that lady knew her well, that she’s
4:03 positive and she didn’t inform me. I was ignorant. So I felt I was being victimized
4:09 myself, that person used me. It’s when I joined the support group that
4:15 I found I was more capable of coping with my HIV.
4:23 Now, whenever I have any problems, I go for counseling. And immediately feel better.
4:38 Both the counseling and the support group make me feel like I am not alone and that
4:43 I have sisters to rely on. I started taking my medications as per the advice of the doctor
4:54 now, because now I have the hope that I will live.
5:03 I know that this is a mortal body, it will die like any other bodies. So I have an immortal
5:10 one that god will give me. I am brave. And I do not think there is anything
5:21 that can move me from the stone I am sitting on.
6:04 (many voices singing)